Rules of Office Etiquette: when to go to staff meetings.

How to tell the importance of a staff meeting
If they are serving:

Full out breakfast: There’s someone very important there and we’re trying to make a good impression
Bagels and Fruit: Some one less important or staff appreciation
No food: Something from HR

The better the food, the more employees lured into going, giving the appearance of great staff involvement. Less food, less people, most likely of less importance, which is why HR sometimes adds the words “mandatory” before staff meeting to make up for the absence of food.

So, first thing to ask if there is a staff meeting: will there be food? Second thing: what kind of food?

And back to social conduct. Lesson 2.

Forwards are pretty much one of the most obnoxious things I can find in my mailbox. Because they are normally (1) not relevant to me, (2) not funny, or (3) have some threat of imminent danger that if I refuse to forward it along (which obviously the person who sent it to me believed) my day, week, life may end in peril. Yeah. So I get another wonderful forward that reads “Delete if we’re not friends”. Delete. I am friends with the person who sent it. She also riddles my email with obnoxious forwards all the time and I am still friends with her. Though I have on a couple of occasions thought of deleting her and blocking her address when 20 presents have awaited me in my mailbox. The thing that gets me the most about this whole forwards crap is I sent a real message to her about a week ago and haven’t heard back. Yet I’ve probably received at least ten damn forwards from her within that amount of time. Now, I ask you, whose not treating who like a friend? Yes, some forwards can be funny. Most are not. Though it does crack me up when she sends me some forward of half naked people and the next one is religious. But I digress. And I’m not opposed to a sweet, cute, relevant, or hilariously funny forward every once in awhile, where the sender actually thought I would enjoy it, not just every one in their address book. But good lord, at least say hello if you’re going to load my inbox with things I’ll either have to check and delete or at this point, just delete. So, Lesson 2. Use discretion when sending forwards if you would like to keep your friends.

Do vows count if your fingers are crossed?

I find it alarming how many times I’ve been hit on by married men. It’s happened often enough that you might start to question why people get married in the first place. There was the man who asked me out to breakfast after we got off the same flight. I was on my way to a job interview. His left ring finger suspiciously blinged with gold. I declined. Then there was the time I found out half way through dinner. We had met when I was out dancing. He was attractive, a Secret Service Agent (which I didn’t believe until he gave me his card), but his “situation” was complicated. So, we go out to eat. Small chat, blah blah blah… he’s moving here… something about his wife. They’re separated. Something doesn’t sound right. I pause. “Separated separated or separated by distance?” Chuckle. By distance. Uh, not so complicated. He was married. His wife was just in another state. The best (or worst) part though was when he said what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her. I didn’t actually believe people used that line, but sadly, I’m mistaken. When the check came I offered my half. He declined saying he was happy to take me out on a date. Date? No, this is not a date. Are you going to tell your wife you took someone out on a date? We're just hanging out, that’s all this was. Yeah, so that was the end of that. Attractive, employed, and an ass. Lovely. So, it makes me wonder why anyone gets married to begin with. I mean if you love to date, just date, but good lord, don’t marry someone and still date! What sense is that? Did you just ask the priest to skip over the formalities and hurry to the “I do’s”? Seriously. It makes me sick.