I spent the remainder of my Saturday night (or Sunday morning) having a conversation with a really good friend. The topic had gone from Big Love and multiple wives, to fidelity and forever to happiness. And that was where it ended along with the night. We had been discussing whether love could last, if cheating always reared its ugly head. His problem with cheating was not the act (which was mine), but the lying, the disrespect and loss of trust (also mine). He said that if we were honest, a lot of the hurt would be averted. Or rather, it might hurt right away, but then both people were able to part and find happiness after. Ownership was an illusion to him. People left when they wanted to, whether or not they were married. You can never own another. He said he was never jealous for two reasons. If he always worried about what he could never know, the things he created in his mind, he’d always be miserable. The second being if another man had more game to pull his girlfriend away and make her happier, then he would hope she was happier. He loves his girlfriend. But if she were unhappy being with him, he wouldn’t want her to do him any favors. He’d rather she move on. That’s why he also doesn’t sweat the small stuff. In the big picture, those things really don’t matter. They are the quickest way to end a relationship, bickering over petty things. He wasn’t sure about forever, an idea I’ve always clung to. What he was sure was that he wanted to spend as many of his days being as happy as possible. That was his goal. He kept people in his life that added to that. I still very much believe in marriage, fidelity, love and forever. It’s in me to believe that. But in listening to him, I wondered how my life would be if I focused on being happy. And not just being happy but giving happiness. What if I always looked for the big picture? If I didn’t just search to be happy, but I chose to be happy, trying to amass as many happy days as I possibly could? Sounds like a pretty wonderful life.
